The profile diaries - maybe the last entry?!

This is me yesterday. As you can see, the bump is taking over my entire being, but at least it's mostly fluid, or that's what the midwife said! I'm hoping the baby won't be too big, as I still want a natural water birth and clearly this isn't going to happen with a giant bubba!!! Anyway, in my mind natural sounds good, but who knows what will happen on the big day?!
Lots of 'psychic' friends, think it's going to be this week, but we fast running out of time, so I'm not sure if baby Pullen is in on the clairvoyant vibes. Maybe it's heard about the snow and doesn't want to get cold? And who can blame it. As long as I can still get to the hospital should it decide that snowy Saturday will be its day, then I'm happy.
This limbo time can be frustrating, but everyone is being so lovely that it's hard to get too annoyed. Friends have been calling from all over the world, and I feel very cared for and loved. I know this baby is going to be born into a big loving family that include parents (that's us, eek), grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles and lots of adopted family in the shape of our gorgeous friends. Thank you everyone for taking the time to check in and make us feel so special. Let's hope this is an appreciative baby Bear.

Impatience is a dish served with rice

Ok, so I haven't even reached my due date and I'm starting to get very itchy feet. I'm impatient by nature anyway, so this was always going to happen.
Generally, I'm fine, but there are moments when I feel like this baby won't ever come and that I'll be pregnant forever. Imagine that, actually, I'd rather not. I'm done with the big bump and the no sashimi - I want to meet this little Bear now and get our new look Pullen family ready for some fun!
We went for a curry last night, which is a total cliche and was a risk, because I didn't want to get any indigestion. Anyway, we walked there and ate like kings. It was delicious and lovely to be out just the two of us. I went all out and even had a beer. But nothing seemed to impress the Bear. I knew it wouldn't. Curries don't give me an upset tummy (the theory behind this old wives tale) but I enjoyed pigging out nonetheless.
I think part of the impatience is that one of my lovely NCT friends has already popped, even though she was due two days after me, and another friend, due two weeks after the Bear, is also already a Mummy, so things are moving, just not in my direction. It's a strange feeling. You urge the birth to hurry up, but then, that means pain, fear, the Big Unknown. And then after that, PARENTHOOD. It's impossible to imagine how any of this new events will feel, so although you're happy to move things along there are some other crazy emotions to get your head around too. DH is being great though. He understands how I feel and I know he'll drop everything the minute he gets my call, so I feel totally supported on that front.
Aside from impatience things are all good. The sun is shining and I'm loving getting out for my daily walks. I've done a big Ocado shop so that the house will be fully stocked, and all the washing is done. That means all I need to do now is enjoy myself and savour these last days of independence and peace and quiet!

Wow, I really have been blog-shy

I didn't realise that I hadn't blogged since last Tuesday. Me bad. The only thing I can blame is my doughy, stupid pregnancy brain - oh and laziness. Except, in many ways, I don't actually feel lazy at all. I've been going for some mammoth walks. Every day I'm out there with my big bottle of Evian pounding the parks of London. This is, of course, meant to bring on labour. And that's what I had in mind when I resolved to walk walk walk. But actually, seeing as the baby's head is already fully engaged, I don't really think it's doing much, except freeing my mind and giving me a beautiful, autumnal daily boost. It's lovely out there. Really, for a heavily pregnant woman, even when the weather looks decidedly average, walking, stretching and getting two lungs full of fresh air is actually a hell of a lot nicer than sitting on the couch - or traipsing around a shopping centre.
Today, I'm going to use my new walking enjoyment and replace an actual car journey with leg power. I'll report back on if I make it or not. I figure that once the baby arrives, I'll be walking heaps anyway, so I might as well start the training now.
So last night was a full moon. Back when I was young, impressionable and probably a tad on the emotional side, I used to find - or rather, my friends would inform me - that a full moon made me go a bit, well, gaga. Not in the avant-garde singer sense of the word, but in the moody, hysterical, hyperactive interpretation. Granted, the moon hasn't really had much of an impression on me since I've settled into work (seven years ago), a stable relationship and a loving little home. But that wasn't going to stop me hoping, on some very pie in the sky, kind of way, that it might, just this one time again, do something to my body. We are, after all, made up for something like 80 per cent water, and what with all the amniotic fluid too (of which, my midwife tells me, I have plenty) pregnant women are kind of like the sea - ready to be controlled by lunar phases and the like. So I waited, I looked hopefully up to the sky, and enjoyed the clear, bright night. But nothing. Not even a tinge.
That darn moon. You can rely on it to circle the earth in a perfect rhythm. But it won't get this little baby to budge.

The Nursery - before and after

Ok, so I've taken my 'before' and 'after' shots from different angles, but you get the idea. Previously, this room was rather bland and white. Now, after some painting fun, a long chair dilemma and several (hundred) trips to John Lewis, we are nearly there. I think the room looks cosy and warm, as well as being unisex and colourful. But then I would say that, I'm kind of biased. It's been great fun putting all the bits together, and obviously, I'm not done yet. I still have a big, modern photo-family tree to organise (it will hang above the chest of drawers), plus I need to buy some toys and do that kind of stuff, but for the moment, I think we're nearly there.
Oh, actually, we have a brilliant orange pigeon night-light that needs putting up (hint hint DH). You can just see my handyman on the floor getting busy in the first photo. He doesn't want his face on the blog until the Bear arrives. He's a mysterious fella, but I love him so much and can't wait to meet the baby that we've made together. Come on Bear, your room is ready....

I know, I'm a slacker

An amusing picture to show how the bump has now completely engulfed my body - although contrary to first impressions it hasn't actually turned my bust neon pink. That was a game, at my baby shower. Aren't my girls hilarious (!).
So here I am - showered, in both senses of the word - and ready to rumble. Mentally, I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be and baby has it's head right down and fully engaged. This sounds extremely promising (the midwife couldn't actually find the head - that wasn't promising - but her senior came and felt it down in my pelvis, phew, the baby has a head), but you can actually be fully engaged for several weeks, so don't pop the champagne just yet.
Anyway, I'm walking as much as my heavy pelvis allows and I'm having a lovely time meeting friends and family and generally being a lady of leisure. Stupidly, I've just upgraded my phone, so am now totally un-contactable for 24 hours while things transfer over. This probably wasn't the brightest idea I've ever had. I mean what happens if I need to get DH tomorrow and he isn't on email.... mmm, didn't actually think about that when I saw my lovely new iPhone 4. Ooops.
Actually, I had my appointment today at the birth centre and a woman was labouring as I was being examined. I couldn't hear her or anything, but the midwife told me, and it made everything rather, er, REAL. Then I saw a woman who had given birth yesterday. She looked pretty good actually, that gave me a bit of confidence. Eeek, you can be ready but you can never be ready, hmm, I suppose that's what adrenaline is for!

Thinking about my hospital 'look' (well, seriously, what else do I have to occupy my mind?)

I wouldn't actually be wasting my time thinking about what I'm going to wear post-birth, if it hadn't been for that lovely PR at Blossom Mother and Child. She somehow found that I'm on maternity leave and emailed to invite me to come in and see the store. I thought why not, again, it's not like my days are jammed packed at the moment. Anyway, it turns out that it was well worth my while as she piled me up with garb for those post-baby days when I'll constantly need to whip my boob out, will be hot and sweaty, probably feeling like total rubbish, but at least wanting to put on a calm, attractive front.
So now I have this nightie, which seems a bit crazy (I mean, to me, tracksuit pants are always the best option when you're not feeling your best), but she assured me that I'll be far too hot in the hospital and this one clips down to make breastfeeding easy. She also gave me some matching, ribboned knickers which I thought was pretty hilarious, as I'm clearly going to Primark to buy their cheapest, plainest 5-pack, but she was insistent. Added to that I got, a strange vest top contraption that sucks in your tummy but has the breastfeeding clips, plus a really nice knitted tracksuit. All in all, I'm a very spoilt Mummy-to-be.
It's such a funny time this pre-baby, off work month. I don't feel like I'm in the fed up get this baby out frame of mind (yet), actually, I still, in many ways, don't believe that a baby will ever come out. It's hard to get your head around, even this late in the game. But everyone else who is pregnant now has a baby, so I know, if I think rationally, there'll be a baby here very soon.
It's nursery is looking good. I just need to hang a few pictures and then I'll post a picture. It is all cosy and soft, and will be perfect for a boy or a girl, which is quite a feat, let me tell you.
Anyway, despite saying I have nothing much on in the day, I do actually have a lunch date with another preggo and her pip, so I must sign off. A big Gail's sandwich is calling and who am I to ignore such an attractive offer?!

Cooked

So here I am, or rather we are, full term, fully cooked, ready to rumble... and obviously nothing is going on. It's a bit of an annoyance that you are done and dusted three weeks before you're due date. It isn't good for impatient types like me - and hopefully Bear. I'm convinced that this little wriggler has some of my twitchy, angsty, impetuous characteristics, so I'm hoping it'll think, 'hey, it's boring in here in all this warm fluid, I want to see what's going on out there, where all the noises come from.' Anyway, we'll see, if it wants to stay put, then that's fine.
When it does make its Big Appearance, we'll be heading to the Birth Centre at St Mary's, where we had our introduction on Saturday. Wow, what an amazing setup. We were really impressed. The ethos is that it's a home from home. At the hospital, so that you have all the medical backup that you need if things become complicated, but totally cut off from the big, noisy, bustling maternity ward. The place has calm written all over it. There are only ten midwives and you meet them all before you give birth. The rooms are seriously amazing (I'd say 4* hotel vibe) and the birthing pools are huge and indulgent. It'll be a struggle going drug-free, but I'm hopeful that I can manage it, and if not, I'll at least start there in peaceful tranquility and then transfer myself up for some epidural time. Either way, it's an amazing option and we felt very warm and calm while we were there.
It's been a very busy few days - hence my rather less than impressive bloggingness. On Saturday, after the birth centre, we had a wedding and then Aunty-to-be's 40th birthday. I wore heels for more than 12 hours. I just wanted to point that out.
On Sunday we spent a lot of time on the sofa recuperating. And then last night it was our final NCT class. It was all about the baby this time. How to hold the little tyke. how to feed it (again), burp it, you name it, we did it to a bean-bagged little dolly. Even the boys looked quite comfortable with the fake babies. Life is funny; I'm sure none of these men have even spent more than a couple of seconds holding a doll, and yet last night, they were cuddling and cooing at them until they were blue in the face (the men, not the babies). I suppose that's proof about how life changes - and for the better.

Feeding time at the dolls house

This is how you learn how to breast feed. Knitted boobs, they're all the rage at NCT classes, apparently. Actually, our 'girls only' class today was really fun, well as much fun as you can have with fake colostrum. It was nice not having the boys there for once, I think we all bonded a bit more, and Ruth, our teacher is amazing. She is so down to Earth and honest. I really enjoy listening to her. Not just about nipples, but other stuff, relationships, how lucky we are in the West, how other cultures care for their young, it's kind of like being back at university, just with less tequila.
After the breast-feeding crash course, I went to spend the day with some of the girls. We used to be know as the Four Bumps. We are now the Two Bumps, and Two Babies brigade. It's amazing how bumps do actually become babies and life carries on. We talked a lot about feeding, pooing and all the other stuff that new Mums, and Mums-to-be like to converse over. It was lovely seeing the babies: a little boy and a little girl. They already seem to have personalities and their own tiny expressions. Soon, hopefully, there will be two more little bubbas in the gang, which sex, is anyone's guess.
So I'm still a washing machine. Not literally, of course. I don't hand-wash, it always seems like a pointless waste of time. But I have developed a deep love for shoving things in that big circular drum, and making the house smell lovely and fresh. Is it nesting? I'm not sure. I certainly haven't had an urge to scrub the floor (especially as we just paid the cleaner to do it for us).

It smells like heaven at home

Wow, washing never smelt this good. Seriously, I think it's the fabric softener, but I've just done our towels (I know, thrilling information), after doing a whole white baby load, because I need this smell upstairs too. Mmm, so clean and baby-ish. So yes, the highlight of my day has been washing. Actually, to be more specific, it's been hanging out the washing, because then I got to handle all those tiny little vests and socks and line them up perfectly on the drying rack. Obviously, once the baby arrives, everything will be tumbled dried and probably still stained, but now, while I have time, I'm taking pride in these cute little clothes.
I've finished my 'circle art' - 7 individual circles of fun fabrics and embellishments. They are all waiting to be put up and should make the room look cheerier and more homely. Then I need to hang some other nursery-style pictures that I've been accumulating along the way, and then Bear's room will be almost ready.
I feel tired today. Even just doing stuff around the house is knackering when you haven't slept very well and your stomach is housing basically a fully grown newborn. But hey, that's what maternity leave is for I guess. So before I put on the bolognese sauce and then drag my tired butt to yoga, I'll have a nice little rest on the couch and probably watch a re-run of Friends, because that's what you do, at home, at 5pm, right?

Sleeeeep

Wow, something amazing happened today: I slept in. Like a proper, at university, keep dozing back off, kind of morning and then suddenly after being 9am, it was 10 O'clock, and I feel like a different woman. Pregnant types are notoriously bad sleepers. If it isn't the constant peeing (I now get up three times, not once, as before), the uncomfortable bump, the acid, the 3am insomnia, or the racing mind, it's 6.30am on a Sunday morning (seriously, this was my Sunday last weekend). I'm not sure if it's the anticipation of the changes, my body relaxing and doing 'getting ready for birth' stuff, or just the those pesky hormones but something always seems to stand in the way of a long, luxurious lie in. Even yesterday, my first day off, I was up with DH at the crack of dawn pottering around the house, listening to Radio 4.
Actually, yesterday I think it was a bit of a guilt thing, as much as anything else. I feel bad on DH. I want him to be on maternity leave too, it isn't fair. This guilt meant I had a very productive Day One of Maternity Leave. No slumping in front of the television for me, no Sir. I was busy tidying the flat, putting on washes (unpacking washes), going to the optician (long, boring, painful story), at the post office depot (nice baby blanket reward) and then in town with Darling Mother (Grandmother-in-waiting), to buy some more baby bits. After that I was back home for my last GP appointment before the Birth Centre induction, and finally, off to NCT where we learnt about pain relief and no one laughed as much as last week. It was still enjoyable, but in a slightly more black comedy kind of way. The next class is a woman's only affair where we learn about breast-feeding. I think the boys are a bit jealous; not about the breasts, but about us having another session without them. I can't wait for everyone to start having their babies, it'll be so exciting to know what they have, the names and all of that stuff.
Whilst pottering around doing my chores yesterday, I did accidentally buy some baby clothes. Actually, no clothes, just accessories. A few pairs of socks here, a hat there. DH was laughing at me when he got home and I talked him through all the new additions to Bear's wardrobe. He knows this is going to be an ongoing shopping opportunity and I think he was chuckling through fear.

Mummy practise

Excuse me looking rough, this shot is all about the buggy. Not it's beauty - for once - but it's darn impossible construction. DH is pretty nifty with his DIY mind, and I'm really very proficient at sitting in a chair and directing, but even that solid team was defeated by PROJECT BUGABOO. Man, those buggy people really need to learn how to write some instructions. It's all very well having a snazzy DVD (totally pointless), and two manuals, but when none of the above actually include any useful information things start getting a bit t-e-d-i-o-u-s. We actually accidentally smashed a big picture frame in the making of this buggy and it's surprising we didn't smash each other too, because what looks like a simple case of click, click, Velcro and go, is actually long, laborious and completely counter-intuitive. Anyway, we someone got there, and this is the a face of relief - not one of beauty, but hey, you can't have everything in life.
We keep going into the Bear's room and having a bit of a push about. Buggies are fun, especially when there is no baby inside and you can do wheelies and stuff.
As you can just about see, the nursery is coming together. The rug really made a difference, as did the removal of several tools and a handful of large cardboard boxes. Now I'm deep into decoration time. I've already made, with my own fair hands, three pictures to hang on the wall and just need to find some more cute fabrics and the other six will be done. I'm doing a 'circular' theme behind the nursing chair: lots of circular frames containing different prints and stuff, to brighten things up. I figure circles look softer than rectangles. So it's all about the decoration now - and the washing.
Fairy Non-Bio, I need you in my life. It's amazing how on day one of maternity leave, my brain has already completely emptied itself of anything remotely fashion related (I sit here in the same clothes that you see above. What? They're comfy), and is now completely focused on washing and drying very small items of clothing.